Sunday, April 19, 2009

A Tale of Victory

The 'night queen' has embraced the earth. Her veils of darkness are gradually placing themselves all around. The moon is up in the black sky with a few twinkling stars. The animals & plants- both young and old are becoming slaves of sleep. The leaves of the trees-yellow and green are withering as if wanting to slumber. There is silence all around, except for the noise of the breeze. All is still, except the acive movement going on under a seeming hump...made from wire mesh and leaves- a place of hiding. And then suddenly a "Boom!"..."Boom!"..."Boom!"...leading to a noisy chaos. In this chaos , from that place of hiding , six men in clothes with leafy print , wearing sturdy long black boots ; come out running with heavy pieces of old rusted guns...seemingly of the old british times. There starts a round of firing from these fully loaded canons. Silence persists.Then a "Boom!"..."Bang!"..."Boom!" and a round of firing ; again "Boom!"..."Boom!"..."Boom!" and five of the men are hit by a cluster or two of metallic shells...with blood flowing out of their open wounds , dripping down into the roots of the large trees as if paying their holy tributes. There stands up a person- a man in true sense with majestic 6 ft. body , his brown eyes filled with power of revenge..focussed and determined. His curlu hair scattered all over his forehead. The tears on his face are turning into expressions of anger. The badge on his chest reads Arjun Singh Rathode. His hands still lun with blood are forcefully holding the 2 ft fully loaded rusted canon. His feet moving forward to execute the maneuver. Then starts a round of firing from the lone canon and a "Boom!" and then firing...The entire troop of enemies fall dead on the other side.Silence persits again...The majestic 6 ft. body falls on the ground facing the still sky..his eyes twinkling..expressing his gratification on fulfillment of his duty...a smile on his lips , narrating the story of his victory.


mayank said...

As a school kid, one of my bigger challenges was getting to spell this correctly, and the other challenge was to use it effectively in speech..
Somehow bang bang bang is more effective when we're writing poetry..A very whimsical observation i believe, but I just can't get the tlot tlot of the highwayman out of my head..
Using sound words in prose can be slightly risky, one should be a little wary before using them.
I read this article thrice...Its short enough to fit one eye span so that worked well for me :) The theme is not cliched, thankfully, which is true for all entries here on this topic until now. Description was decent, build up was well structured. Work a little more on sentence structure. Good reading would help..Give sentences more paused thought if it helps. Take more time than u normally do..The thinking time will reduce on its own if u keep trying.
Good Attempt in all..

Ko said...

"a man in true sense"..

you really had a powerful narrative going. that line gave me goosebumps!
i think u did a great job keeping up the pace and tempo of the writing. keep practising! you seem to have done instinctively, what takes eons to learn :)

Mohit Rodeja said...

Good work, kiddo!!
I like your in-your-face writing!

Do i hear another one coming?


the turncoat said...

i kinda liked tense u chose, pretty unconventional,
nice work :)