Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The snails had it coming. Those breathing holes were far too generous, by my call anyway..

i adorned stealth, and focus. and sashayed through the african grass. knees met with swift sharp blades. i had intended to finish what i had begun. i had a promise to keep. with deep set eyes, and my hands armed, and ready to charge. it was the time of the sun. i felt a sweat bead roll down the back of my neck. it wasn't the first. but there were many. my eyebrows squinted in the heat. there was no ulterior motive. things had never been this real. things had never really been at all. i felt the distant grass disappear. it blended in with the rays. not a sound to the left. not sight to the right. there would be questions later. and there would be answers i could not give. a gentle breeze blew past my side. my hair tied up in a ponytail. a messy one, it had become. but there was more to fix out there, than just my hair. the hair could wait. but this couldn't. i'd thought about this breeze before. it was different from what i knew. more... epic. the sharp african summer gave fire to my flesh. and there it was. i saw him. he saw me. he sat pensive on the edge. i waited. we'd been here before. but this was it. i knew it. the breeze giving him flair. and fueling the feel of it all. i drifted smoothly. and took him by the hands. i was there. and he was there. i had dreamt of it for so long. it felt unreal. but so right. i had won. and they would never understand.

in the summer of kindergarten, i was in senegal (west africa). in class we were raising fat green caterpillers. and every kid in class had a pet at home. i asked my parents to settle for a pet. they said no. the next day, i spent my afternoon class hunting for grasshoppers in the football field.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

mannequins and coitus

nails dig into flesh as silence seeps in. bones wrapped in muscle wrestle for the sigh of instant gratification. in the back of a barn. in inexpensive hotel suites. in janitor's closets. against the wall. on floral princess sheets. under ceiling posters of celebrities. boys become men, and make girls feel like women.

somewhere right now, grown ups are discussing the accelerated sex drive of my generation. there is discontent. there is disapproval. there is no solution. separated by an element as abstract as time, the enemy begins to drift. more lies. more confusion. more stress. more sex. more lies. the enemy continues to drift.

i giggle sometimes when i flip through the channels and encounter motifs of the 80s. i scoff condescendingly at the holistic inferiority of the times that have passed, and resume my routine. my time is more advanced. birth control is advertised at a larger scale. girls are wearing less clothes. lines are crossed, and limits pushed. there are prudes. and there are sluts. there are gentlemen. and there are bastards. i am there as well.

they whine if their chairs aren't pulled out for them. if their doors aren't opened for them. and then they whine that they are not taken seriously. they demand respect. they then proceed to show why they do not merit it. cottony soft dolls stand in line for a robocop exterior.

they're in love with the grunts, the sweat, the energy. it is a prize. they want to touch it. but they don't want to get dirty. they'll admire from afar. dream. try. ploy. proceed. play. and the moment they lose the lead, the prize is flawed. and they wish to spare themselves the contamination. the peacock must strut full throttle.

they are afraid of losing us. they yell. they are afraid of the unknown. they bombard us with what they know. they choke us with their warmth in the tightest of embraces. speechless and possessive. our firm skinned hands rest in their wrinkled ones. the minute hand does its job.

we are an army of mannequins cloaked in hormones. drowning in the false advertising that floods our habitat. we are plagued with vanity. we are plagued with superiority. denial. and enough problems to wound our future fetuses. and enough treasures to trick them into believing that the universe is in their favor.